Story the Third

Crazy things have been happening recently.

An excerpt posted two weeks ago in the New York Times . . .

Translation of Oldest Writing Progresses

At a press conference yesterday, archaeologist Damien Daley of The Old Way Institute declared to have unraveled a partial translation the first myth ever written. The Old Way Institute, a foundation dedicated to the discovery and preservation of ancient texts, funded Mr. Daley's travels to Tibet last year, where he discovered the Shywŏn wall. The Wall, as it is popularly known, is considered the oldest writing in the world by most experts. At a size of forty feet by five hundred feet, the colossal wall contains more glyphs than would be needed to record the Torah in ancient Egyptian.

Whether the Wall retells an ancient myth or, as believed by a new fringe religious group, "Xanthos' Hands", portends the fall of humanity, remains to be seen. However, Mr. Daley relates happy news: "I'm fantastically exhilarated to have worked on this project. The translation of the wall proves to be a challenge, but we're up for it at the Institute. I am personally astounded by the relation of the myth found on the Wall to the current state of the world. Also amazing is the progression of the seminal character Xanthos from what is obviously a tribal chief to a legendary King Arthur-like character."

The following is an excerpt from the stone (all words presented as "word1/word2" are alternate translations, and all italisized words are included for the ease of the reader).

. . . Xanthos is his name. He ruled the whole expanse/plain/valley with a stringent law: only the weak live. Any warrior who failed in battle was exalted/progressed above his foes. For in this way all respect/tribute was given to Xanthos . . .

. . . Xanthos be praised/revered/honored for his wisdom. Surely the seven/forty-nine/two hundred forty-three wives of Xantos are beloved and continually pleased. All who live under/in subject to Xanthos receive the wages/work of others . . .

. . . The nation/city/tribe who follows Xanthos receive from his wisdom. He has made from many tribes, one tribe . . .

. . . Cursed be the nation/city/tribe who follows Parthen. Xanthos triumphed over this brother early, to lead all tribes . . .

. . . Xanthos the great hunter/warrior will awake from (the) thousand season sleep. When he sees that too long in wood/forest/wilderness the he, the hunter/warrior slept/died/laid down, he will return. His nation/city/village was gone by flood/storm of great water/mud/volcano. He will rebuild it from the bones of his foes. The lizards/dragons/giants of the deep/ancient lore will be feasted upon by his tribe. He made them all, the liars and those not of his tribe are the only ones who deny Xanthos created all tribes . . .

Said Mr. Daley: "It is fascinating to discover so much legacy of a historic figure preserved in one location! We at the Institute expect . . .

Another clip from a gossip column by Sally Fairstump that appeared in that week's edition of People concerning the same vein:

What hath Mr. Daley wrought?

In the American pantheon a new cult emerges. What are we to make of these Xanthos' Hands? Somewhat older odd followings are noticing their coffers and membership rolls depleting, especially of celebrities and other famous figures.

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And speaking of Xanthos, what a busy boy he will be! Already slated for two documentaries and a full length movie, this character has been rediscovered in style. Given the controversy, whomever lands a role in this upcoming summer blockbuster Xanthos Reborn is sure to take home the Oscar . . .

If it wasn't enough, Tom Frledmand weighed his oppressive op-ed opinion in the Wall Street Journal:

Cult Certain to Cause Economic Depression

With their insistence on Communistic philosophies, Xanthos' Hands are guaranteed to cause havoc in the financial markets. And as witnessed in 2008, when the financial markets are disturbed the rest of the world bears the burden.

With the flight of federal government officials, CEOs and stock traders to join Xanthos' Hands, the views of a translation of an ancient document are surely to become relevant in the lives of everyday Americans. Most disconcerting is the recent passage of the Tockton, Muir, and Geebs bill through the house, which gives virtually unlimited taxing powers to the Senate. It is a virtual nationalization of all markets in the United States . . .

Just from what I've seen, people are getting really scared. The prices of guns and, especially, ammunition have increased forty-fold since that blasted document was translated. My wife is inquiring finally how to use that pistol we bought six years ago for her to learn to shoot on. The media speaks of nothing else. People are wearing those confounded pink hooded robes to work, to the store, to play golf. I really don't know how I'm going to explain to my youngest son that his older sister decided to join the "Pinkies."

Please tell me in the comments what you think of this situation. Is there anything that can be done to turn this tide of malevolence?